Sunday, March 20, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday - Jane's Second Soldier opener

This week I'm posting yet another opening six sentences. As I mentioned last week, I noticed I've developed something of a pattern, in otherwise widely divergent manuscripts, of opening with the heroine poised to marry the wrong man. In A Marriage of Inconvenience and Wolf & Huntress, Lucy and Cass have both mistaken Mr. Wrongs for Mr. Rights. In this week's entry, the heroine knows dang well she doesn't want the first suitor who comes her way.

This is from a novella, working title Jane's Second Soldier. Jane is a common soldier's widow with the British army fighting the French in Spain in 1812. Her husband only just died, and she wishes she could properly mourn him. But that's not how the rules work in her world:

“You will marry me.”

Jane winced and wrenched her face away as Sergeant Hindle shoved her against a baggage wagon. “No.”

He seized her jaw in a painful grip and forced her to look him in his bloodshot eyes. “You have no choice,” he said. “You must marry again or go home—and you haven’t the money for that.”


I'm starting to run out of openers, so next week I'll have to delve deeper into one of my manuscripts.
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23 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 6:59 AM

    Someone needs to hurt Sergeant Hindle. Love this opening!

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  2. Ella DrakeMarch 20, 2011 at 7:27 AM

    A very different set-up from the last one, though. Pattern or not! Great conflict!

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  3. D CarneyMarch 20, 2011 at 7:57 AM

    Jeez, what a jerk! I love this opening!

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  4. Ann MayburnMarch 20, 2011 at 8:07 AM

    I'd read the book just to watch Seargetn Jerk Face get his butt beat. ;)

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  5. UnknownMarch 20, 2011 at 8:41 AM

    Definitely the wrong man but this is a great opening. I agree w/ Ella that the setup is different enough from your last post that I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out.

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  6. Pip GreenMarch 20, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Hoping he's going to get his butt kicked. :(

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  7. LindsayMarch 20, 2011 at 9:29 AM

    Come on, give him a knee in the you know whats.

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  8. AnonymousMarch 20, 2011 at 10:12 AM

    I like historical - and delving into manuscript is a good thing

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  9. Susanna FraserMarch 20, 2011 at 11:41 AM

    Don't worry, the hero shows up on the very next page and gives Sgt Hindle a nice black eye. :-)

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  10. Jessica KnaussMarch 20, 2011 at 11:53 AM

    Great opening. I definitely want to know if the sergeant gets his comeuppance.

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  11. Rebecca RoyceMarch 20, 2011 at 12:37 PM

    Well, he certainly made me worry about her.Worrying...

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  12. Taryn KincaidMarch 20, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    Dislike Hindle, of course. Waiting for the hero to hurl him across the camp. (Unless Jane can take care of the blackguard herself!)

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  13. Linda MorrisMarch 20, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    Yay, Regencies. I love 'em! Great six.

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  14. Cate MastersMarch 20, 2011 at 1:16 PM

    Loved it! Wrenching scene packed with emotion. Great concept.

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  15. Patricia PrestonMarch 20, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    Great opening. Definitely a good hook!

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  16. Author Leanne DyckMarch 20, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    From what I understand from history, although it does look painful the information he is bestowing is correct. Woman, at that time, just couldn't exist without men. I look forward to next week.

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  17. Lauri J OwenMarch 20, 2011 at 2:09 PM

    Poor Jane! She needs a battle mace!

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  18. Roberta WalkerMarch 20, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    Oh, seems utterly hopeless! Good hook! Makes you want to realy know her story.

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  19. Hailey EdwardsMarch 20, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    Very tense excerpt. Poor Jane. Such a harsh time for a woman who wants to survive on her own.

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  20. Marie DeesMarch 20, 2011 at 3:42 PM

    Delving deeper is always good!

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  21. Christa PaigeMarch 20, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    Your opener has me hooked. I am totally looking into your Carina title now since I am in a historical reading mood!

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  22. JoAnne KenrickMarch 20, 2011 at 5:59 PM

    wow, in your face opening.. great job! That Sergeant Hindle sounds like a real piece of work. Hope he gets his!

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  23. Susanna FraserMarch 20, 2011 at 6:08 PM

    @Christa - Thanks! I hope you enjoy it.

    Thanks to everyone who commented today. I've never written a novella before, but I know it's even more important to jump straight into the action when you've got a compressed word count, so I'm glad my hook worked for you.

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