Sunday, March 20, 2011

Six Sentence Sunday - Jane's Second Soldier opener

This week I'm posting yet another opening six sentences. As I mentioned last week, I noticed I've developed something of a pattern, in otherwise widely divergent manuscripts, of opening with the heroine poised to marry the wrong man. In A Marriage of Inconvenience and Wolf & Huntress, Lucy and Cass have both mistaken Mr. Wrongs for Mr. Rights. In this week's entry, the heroine knows dang well she doesn't want the first suitor who comes her way.

This is from a novella, working title Jane's Second Soldier. Jane is a common soldier's widow with the British army fighting the French in Spain in 1812. Her husband only just died, and she wishes she could properly mourn him. But that's not how the rules work in her world:

“You will marry me.”

Jane winced and wrenched her face away as Sergeant Hindle shoved her against a baggage wagon. “No.”

He seized her jaw in a painful grip and forced her to look him in his bloodshot eyes. “You have no choice,” he said. “You must marry again or go home—and you haven’t the money for that.”


I'm starting to run out of openers, so next week I'll have to delve deeper into one of my manuscripts.

23 comments:

  1. Someone needs to hurt Sergeant Hindle. Love this opening!

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  2. A very different set-up from the last one, though. Pattern or not! Great conflict!

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  3. Jeez, what a jerk! I love this opening!

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  4. I'd read the book just to watch Seargetn Jerk Face get his butt beat. ;)

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  5. Definitely the wrong man but this is a great opening. I agree w/ Ella that the setup is different enough from your last post that I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out.

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  6. Hoping he's going to get his butt kicked. :(

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  7. Come on, give him a knee in the you know whats.

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  8. I like historical - and delving into manuscript is a good thing

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  9. Don't worry, the hero shows up on the very next page and gives Sgt Hindle a nice black eye. :-)

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  10. Great opening. I definitely want to know if the sergeant gets his comeuppance.

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  11. Well, he certainly made me worry about her.Worrying...

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  12. Dislike Hindle, of course. Waiting for the hero to hurl him across the camp. (Unless Jane can take care of the blackguard herself!)

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  13. Loved it! Wrenching scene packed with emotion. Great concept.

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  14. Great opening. Definitely a good hook!

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  15. From what I understand from history, although it does look painful the information he is bestowing is correct. Woman, at that time, just couldn't exist without men. I look forward to next week.

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  16. Poor Jane! She needs a battle mace!

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  17. Oh, seems utterly hopeless! Good hook! Makes you want to realy know her story.

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  18. Very tense excerpt. Poor Jane. Such a harsh time for a woman who wants to survive on her own.

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  19. Your opener has me hooked. I am totally looking into your Carina title now since I am in a historical reading mood!

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  20. wow, in your face opening.. great job! That Sergeant Hindle sounds like a real piece of work. Hope he gets his!

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  21. @Christa - Thanks! I hope you enjoy it.

    Thanks to everyone who commented today. I've never written a novella before, but I know it's even more important to jump straight into the action when you've got a compressed word count, so I'm glad my hook worked for you.

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